Today is July 23rd, 2015. My last blog post was June 1st, 2015. In my last blog post, I stated that my new blog schedule would be one post a month... so hey, I'm upholding my promise! Better late than never, right?
I've been searching for some inspiration to write for about a week, but unfortunately, my inspiration comes from a series of unfortunate (and tragic) events. On Monday, my dad's dog, Bella Blue, was hit and killed by a car. If that wasn't enough, my great uncle, Dan, passed away yesterday. I know, you're probably wondering where I got inspiration out of these two tragic things, but think of it more like this: my inspiration comes from grieving. So, due to my recent grief, I have reflected back on past grief to gather all of my thoughts for this post. Now, am I making more sense?
And yes, this blog post will also be in list format, like all my others. In my opinion, list format is always more interesting, and easy to read- rather than writing paragraphs... paragraphs are like reading a lengthy, boring essay. Anyway...
Here are 8 things I learned from grieving (no, not only the death kind):
1. It is okay not to be okay.
When you first glance at that sentence, it won't make much sense to you. The meaning of this statement is simply that it's definitely okay to feel sadness, and even to express it. Grief is not an easy thing to deal with, but it's even more difficult to deal with if you feel like you must compress it. There comes a time when you feel you need to be strong for somebody (or somebodies), and that may be true. But, there is also a time when somebody needs to be strong for you so that you may have your time of emotional relief. Use your best judgement on when you think that should be, and let the tears/ endless rambling/ anger release (though, you should include a disclaimer to anyone who may be around if your choice method of relief is anger).
2. Taking alone time to "let it all out" is also healthy.
If you're anything like me, you hate crying in front of people, even those you're close to. If you don't mind to cry, and usually can't help it, in front of people, always know that you don't necessarily need an audience. It can be therapeutic to attempt to hold out until you're alone, like in a hot bath with candles, or just lying in your bed, to let out your emotions out. Other ways to cope involve journaling, bike rides, long walks in a calming environment, listening to music, cleaning, reading the bible, blogging, and pretty much anything that will distract your mind in a positive way, and give you space to clear your head. People have many different methods of coping.
3. You are not alone.
Again, if you're anything like me, you hate to "talk about your feelings" with others. Something about that certain activity just makes me uncomfortable and somewhat embarrassed, even if everyone else feels the same. Although, talking about your feelings with somebody close to you and that you're comfortable with, can be very helpful, calming, and also therapeutic. It's okay to feel sad, anxious, angry, etc... so, always consider reaching out to a close friend or family member to talk and relieve some emotional pressure. Chances are, if it's something that has closely affected them as well, they are feeling the same emotions and would love to share this conversation with you.
4. Do not overthink.
The phrase "overthinking is destructive" is 100% truthful. I'm the "poster-person" for overthinking, so what I will say from experience, is true. If you trip and stumble into the endless, dark abyss of overthinking, please find your way out immediately. Overthinking can lead to an overload of sadness that may lead to depression, and even guilt. The "what-ifs", "could haves", and "would haves" are three of the biggest evils, and your mind can trail off into ridiculous thoughts. It's a little bit like hallucination in the mind, it can always find a way to tricking you into thinking you could've done something to prevent whatever it was that led to the tragedy, or even that it was your fault. Bottom line, overthinking is dangerous, and you should find a distraction for any down time you may find yourself with in the midst of grieving.
5. Never lose sight of yourself.
When you are grieving, it's very easy to drop what you love doing, as depression may have taken it's place. But, what you love doing is what can restore your happiness after a long drought. Take some time to listen to some of your favorite old CD's, dance around your room, play basketball, go for a run, sit on the swing, sing your heart out, write, read, whatever makes you happy- never lose that, and always stay your true self. Don't let the dark shadow of life's misfortune overthrow your bright, true, unique self.
6. Never feel stupid or apologize for the emotions you feel.
Everyone has their own unique reactions to all different situations life may throw your way. Whether it's your dog, or your friend, there is no such thing as too many tears. My dad's dog passed away Monday, and I still find myself sobbing when I think about the day. I felt stupid when it came to my excuse for not coming into work, but then I realized, I'm not sorry for feeling the way I felt, and that everyone has their own circumstances that they need their suitable time of grief for.
7. You will find yourself more susceptible to others' feelings.
I'm kind of tough when it comes to my compassion and feeling sorry for others. But, since Monday, I have found myself becoming softer and more understanding of others' circumstances. If I were the person that covered my shift at work because of Bella's, (dad's dog), death, I would've had a hard time feeling sorry, and may have even mocked them a bit. But, until I were in their shoes, I wouldn't have understood. I'm thankful for the lessons I have received, and the compassion and understanding I have gained.
8. Grow from your misfortune.
There are all kinds of new things you will learn each time you have something to grieve over, and you should always learn and grow from every experience. For future reference, looking back on the personal tragedies in your life, can be very helpful and building to the person you are, and who you're becoming. Analyzing the emotions you felt, and breaking them down, can be a healthy learning experience. Never let the bad things overflow and weigh you down. There's nothing you can do, and nothing you could've done, to change what happened. Learn from it, and grow from it. You will come out stronger, bolder, and happier.
I will be writing a new post once I am settled at my new apartment, or until I start college... whichever brings me inspiration first! Until next month... Au Revoir!
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